After sitting through England’s 0-0 draw with Ghana this week, I can confirm that football can be stressful in all sorts of ways. Not just the tension of the result, but the slow realisation that you’re never getting those 90 minutes back.
It turns out plenty of us feel the same.
According to research from PizzaExpress, a huge 93% of people say watching their favourite team is more stressful than planning a wedding, while more than half of Brits (54%) rank penalty shootouts as the most nerve-racking moment in sport.
To be fair, weddings don’t usually involve VAR decisions, last-minute equalisers or an entire nation collectively hiding behind the sofa.
With a summer packed full of football ahead, PizzaExpress has decided to tackle the problem in a way only PizzaExpress could: by turning its famous Dough Balls into stress balls.
Yes, actual squishy Dough Ball stress balls.
The limited-edition giveaway has been created for fans who find themselves gripping the sofa, pacing around the room or shouting tactical advice at the television during crucial moments. Instead of squeezing your fists every time your team gives the ball away, you can now squeeze something designed for the job.
It’s a slightly daft idea, but that’s probably why it works.
Match-Day Food Worth Turning Up For
The stress balls arrive alongside a couple of new football-inspired menu additions.
First up is the new Hat-Trick Sharer, which includes a double portion of PizzaExpress Dough Balls served with three special garlic butter dips: Maple Bacon, Buffalo Ranch and Smoky Chipotle.
It’s the sort of sharing platter that’s supposedly for the whole table, but may end up becoming fiercely protected territory once the game kicks off.
There’s also a new Romana Buffalo Chicken & Blue Cheese pizza joining the line-up. Spicy buffalo sauce, chicken and blue cheese might not improve your team’s performance, but it should make a frustrating first half a little easier to tolerate.
Football Fans Are a Strange Breed
The research also confirmed what most of us already suspected: football supporters aren’t always entirely rational.
Half of British fans admit to having some sort of match-day superstition. Lucky shirts, lucky seats and refusing to watch key moments all feature heavily.
Meanwhile, almost half of fans admit to shouting at the TV during tense moments, despite there being absolutely no evidence that players can hear them.
Comfort food also plays a major role, with nearly a quarter of supporters saying they turn to snacks and treats to help get them through the drama.
Which might explain why Dough Balls have become the unofficial mascot of PizzaExpress match days.
Keeping the Nerves in Check
The Dough Ball stress balls will be available while stocks last at selected PizzaExpress restaurants across the UK, including locations in London, Manchester, Birmingham, Cardiff, Edinburgh, Liverpool and Newcastle.
Fans ordering the Matchday Feast through Just Eat will also have a chance of getting their hands on one.
Will squeezing a foam Dough Ball stop the heartbreak of a missed penalty? Probably not.
Will it make sitting through another tense England performance slightly more bearable?
Maybe.
And if not, there’s always pizza.
For more information visit https://www.pizzaexpress.com