The Twilight saga ends where we left off with Kristen Stewart’s Bella a mum and a vampire. Her daughter Reneesme (already a toddler by her second day) has been creepily imprinted on by werewolf Jacob who’s still as woodenly played by Taylor Lautner which dad Edward (played by the ever surly Robert Pattinson) is non too happy about.
The CGI baby looks like a bad horror film demon and continues looking scarier and scarier until she morphs into the 11 year old Mackenzie Foy. They CGI a different face onto Foy’s head with what looks like an iPhone App.
The CGI is much improved from the 2005 Twilight with the wolves looking more realistic, yet the running and hunting scenes still look like they were made in a geeks bedroom over a course of an hour. Despite it having the highest budget of all the movies ($75m) it still looks rather B-movie. Twi-hards won’t care too much as five minutes in Taylor Lautner gets near naked. The weird contact lenses they use serve to distract your attention away from the acting.
When a family member of the cousins sees Reneesme they mistake her for an immortal child, who previously raged havoc on communities, so the Volturi (the fabulously cloaked Italian vampire council) step in to kill. The Cullens defence is to build an army of vampires to convince them Bella’s daughter has blood in her veins and if not to fight.
The introduction to these vampires from Amazonian warriors to eccentric rockstars (played by Pushing Daisies, Lee Pace who steals the show) and deadly blondes already makes this film much enjoyable and a welcome break from the sappy ‘forevers’ Bella and Edward whisper non-stop.
Much of the start of this film is dedicated to love scenes and family piano playing just in case we weren’t sure how much they all loved each other, this is unnecessary and really if you cut these bits the rest would fit into one Breaking Dawn movie.
These vampire coverns each come bearing strange powers like electric shocks and the control of elements giving this movie, momentarily, a superhero film. The addition of this vast amount of new characters mean the favourites (Ashley Greene, Peter Facinelli, Nikki Reed, Kellan Lutz, Elizabeth Reaser, Jackson Rathbone) are left to look morbid in the back of the room. Having seen Pattinson and Stewart in other ventures I want to stand up during and yell “You can act, I know you can”, because some of the dialogue is just plain awkward.
Director Bill Condon (Dreamgirls) does, once the film gets going, successfully slip away from the teen love triangle and slides into a dark world of war with Michael Sheen leading it (still playing Lucian from the Underworld series). Some might say he’s too good for these films but as Aro the Volturi leader he almost steals the show from the main couple (If you’ve seen his brief role in the mess that was Tron: Legacy you may believe me).
Stood there in the snow surrounded by menacing vampires in dark cloaks (including Sweeney Todd’s Jamie Campbell Bower and Dakota Fanning) with his tousled hair looking like a L’Oreal advert you almost want those bad guys to win. The rivalry between Edward and Jacob is still strong and as the newborn Bella gets to grips with her newly found strength.
There’s a wonderful gruesome fight scene which may momentarily entertain unwilling dragged boyfriends but ultimately ends with a whimper. If anyone is expecting a finale as epic as the Harry Potter one will have to wait, because too many ends are left loose, too many answers are half-heartedly answered. You feel writer Stephanie Meyers or screenwriter Melissa Roseberg could have really let rip in this finale, but the movie like the book ends with a tiny pop instead of a bang.
Twi-hards were always going to live this movie, and others will carry on thinking it was a badly made piece of sentimental rubbish. I doubt too many minds will be changed.
A/N Don’t judge me for seeing this, I was dragged by my step family and thought I’d make use of it. I still want to maintain my coolness!
Breaking Dawn Part 2 is out now.